Everyday I am changing. I am learning more about myself and am being exposed to new things. And so today, on the 8th of August 2017, I am Twenty One years old. And I am nowhere near who I was last year. But let me tell you, it's taken so much for me to get here. I've had to overcome and experience a lot to be shaped into who I am right now and I am thankful to be one of the lucky ones that have made it this far in life. Life isn't always hard for everyone, but I know it is for an overwhelming amount so hopefully this touches someone, somewhere. Here are the 21 most important things I've learned by 21;
1. Suffering is inevitable— You can’t be happy all the time, and you can’t always avoid pain. We all suffer, the level of suffering just varies based on different people. You’re going to have to overcome some difficulty in order to get to where you want. The sooner you come to that realization, the easier the struggle will become. As the great rapper/poet/artist) Tupac Shakur once said, “If you can make it through the night, there’s a brighter day”
2. Don’t make excuses— I learned this about a year ago while I was going through a very difficult and stressful time of my life, and couldn’t believe I didn’t realize it’s vitality earlier. Now, I understand that life happens, but other times (most of the time) we make excuses. If something needs to be done, you need to get it done! Effectively plan and organize your time, and hold yourself accountable when you know you’re slacking.
3. Take yourself on dates— Trust me when I tell you that this is one of the most important things you can do for your own wellbeing. We get so caught up in investing in others, everyday tasks and making sure that everyone around us is satisfied, that we rarely stop and ask ourselves if we’re okay. And actually okay, like, really and truly, down to the core, okay. You need to have “me-time” to check in with yourself; go to your favorite coffee shop or restaurant alone, take a walk, or maybe even buy yourself some flowers. If it makes you smile, do it. Appreciate your own company and know how to do things alone. Invest the love, care and attention you do in other people in yourself and I guarantee you will be at least twice as happy than you were before.
4. Water is your best friend— I’M NOT PLAYING WITH YOU, WATER IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE LOL. It clears up your skin, helps with hair growth and weight loss, gives you energy, and the list goes on and on. It just helps your body function better and makes you an overall healthier and more balanced human being lol. So this is your reminder to drink more water.
5. Fake it til’ you make it— And I don’t mean “fake it” like be a fake person, fake your emotions, or have fake relationships. But, let me give you an example. When I first went away to college, I was terrified. Mainly because I was probably the most introverted, shy and anxious person you will ever meet. I thought to myself, though, I am literally continents away from home, and I know no one here, so why not be the person I’ve always wanted to be? No one would ever know that I was faking my confidence, and I would still be true to myself, so why not? And here I am, three years later, with my fake confidence that has eventually transcended into my personality. “Faking it” helped me become someone I always hoped to become.
6. Be productive with your free time— Everything from watching TEDx Talks while eating breakfast, to listening to audiobooks while cleaning my room, to even watching random tutorials on YouTube when I honestly had nothing better to do, are all things that have shaped me so much as a person. This is by far the best way to feel so productive even if you haven’t really done anything all day. Time is so precious and you can’t ever get it back, so make sure you’re always growing and making the most of the time you do have.
7. Health is your wealth— I used to eat horribly when I was younger because I knew that I would be burning it all off later in the week at soccer practice, and get this, I would never properly take care of my skin because I knew that every impurity, spot, and dark circle could always be covered up with makeup (!!!!!!!!) As many other lessons in this list, I had to learn the importance of health the hard way, as my poor health habits are starting to catch up with me in a tremendously negative way. If you’re reading this (yes, I mean YOU), please, please, please love your body on the in and outside, it’s the only one you will ever have.
8. Quality over quantity— It is much better to have two or three REALLY good people in your circle, than a whole bunch with no one to really rely on. There have been times where I was completely baffled and heartbroken at how none of my countless “friends” were there for me during my difficult times (again, learned this the hard way) But as of late, I’ve been narrowing my circle down a whole lot, and it’s paying off. I know for a fact that I can rely on anyone in my circle when I need them and they’ll be there. Stop concerning yourself with the numbers; it’s not a popularity contest, and the sooner you realize that, the better.
9. Friends aren’t forever, and that’s okay— People come and go, it’s a fact of life. Yes, I know that it can be absolutely heartbreaking to put all of your time, trust and emotions into someone, only for them to not be in your life anymore the next day but, trust me, sometimes it’s for the best. There are people that I’ve known merely since I started college that I consider closer to me than people I’ve known since middle school; that’s okay. And as you grow as a person and progress through life, you realize that some people just aren’t giving you what you need anymore; that’s okay. People change and outgrow each other, THAT’S OKAY. If people are meant to stay in your life, they will stay. Case closed.
10. Embrace rejection— Sometimes, I find myself avoiding certain things because I see the overwhelming possibility of rejection looming above me. But what I’ve learned to do is ignore it. A lot of the times, you won’t know what you’re capable of unless you just try. And if you fail, or get rejected, so be it. Use it as a lesson, or the fuel that drives you forward onto the next opportunity. Whatever that thing was, it just wasn’t meant for you, and you can’t really force things that weren’t meant for you.
11. Go offline every once in a while— Social media is the worst thing that could have possibly happened to my mental health. You become so obsessed with what others are doing and making sure that others know what you’re doing that you forget to just relax, and focus on improving yourself. Take a second to think about how much time you spend in a day on your social media apps? Or just your phone in general? Do yourself a favor and delete all your social media apps for a week, or even just a day, and see how carefree you feel afterwards.
12. Don’t take people or things for granted— In life, we can get so used to what we’ve been blessed with that we often forget to APPRECIATE what we have. Blessings can be taken away just as quickly as they’re granted and there’s nothing you can do to change that. All I’m going to say is you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
13. When people show you who they are, believe them— I always had this habit of giving people second chances, third chances, fourth chances, fifth cha— well, you get the point. I constantly made excuses for people (“Maybe they’re stressed out? Or going through something? Or maybe they just didn’t mean to screw me over, you know?”… Yeah, I know a lot of us have been there.) But unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way (AGAIN) that people don’t deserve excuses or second chances, because there’s no point in pretending to be color blind when people show you their true colors.
14. Impulsiveness must be calculated— Impulsiveness can mean one of two things: spontaneity or recklessness. However, there is a fine line between the two that can so easily be blurred, and if that ever happens, the consequences can be real. Even though being impulsive switches things up and keeps life interesting, there are needs so be some degree of thought put into the decision… just so that you don’t end up screwing yourself over.
15. Perfection is unrealistic— Nothing and nobody is perfect, which can be hard to process particularly with the prominence of social media in our generation. Let me make this clear, though, people only show you what they want you to see and just because you aren’t where someone else is, doesn’t mean you’re never going to get there. Think about it, would you post screenshots of rejection emails from the numerous jobs and internships you’ve applied to? No. Would you post a selfie on your WORST hair and skin day? No and no. Would you post a picture of yourself in a crusty outfit? Absolutely not. People only showcase their successes, and they only showcase their downfalls IF it’s accompanied by a success story. You also never see the blood, sweat, and tears behind someone’s accomplishments so go easier on yourself. You will get there, and when you do, it’ll be so worth it.
16. Thank your parents— And I mean really thank them. Not just whenever they let you stay out later with your friends, or when your dad buys you a birthday present or when your mom makes you dinner. They sacrificed so much for you, and even if you don’t have the greatest relationship with them, you wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for them, so thank them. Show them love and random signs of affection (especially when there’s nothing in it for you). It will mean the world to them.
17. Don’t be afraid to try new things and put yourself out there— My dad always tells me, “How do you know the door won’t open if you never knock?”, and even though it can be so annoying at times (mainly because I know he’s right), it couldn’t be more true. You never know what’s out there until you put yourself out there. In college, specifically, there are so many great people I’ve met, organizations I’ve joined, and opportunities I’ve gained because I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and just tried. You never know what you’re capable of unless you just try, and besides, what’s the worst that can happen? The door doesn’t open? Okay, on to the next.
18. Comparison really is a thief of joy— Stop comparing yourself to other people!! You can’t compare an elephant to a freaking banana, they’re just not the same! We were never meant to be compared, and if we were, we’d all have the same race, color, religion, gender, brain, personality, etc. So stop beating yourself up, life is already hard, bro. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Everyone possesses a quality that makes them unique in this world. Everyone moves at different paces. Even though it may seem like it at times, life is NOT a competition.
19. College isn’t just about graduating— Ever since high school I’ve always known how to get good grades. It was all a game, really. If you participate just enough, show up to every class, make sure you submit all your homework assignments and are cool with all your professors, a good grade is CAKE. Don’t get me wrong, I put a lot of effort into my school work, too, but in college, I learned that the real growth happens through connection. The best thing about college is that you get to choose your major firstly, so make sure you’re really loving and savoring everything you learn. But also, college brings so many people from different backgrounds together in one place that you would probably never otherwise meet. Learning about different walks of life helps shape you and make you a more open, empathetic, and understanding person (which we need more of in the world) So make sure you seize the opportunities for learning both inside and outside the classroom. A diploma and an education are not synonymous, remember that.
20. Always have your own back— As sad as it is, not even your parents are always going to be there. Everything and everyone else around you is temporary, so it’s vital to always love and value yourself the most because, through it all, the only constant thing in your life will be you.
21. Enjoy the little things— You ever have those moments where you’re just chilling with your friends, laughing really hard about something so stupid? Or you’re walking down the street and smile at a stranger and they smile back so eagerly? Or even be hugging your mom, and just feel all warm and fuzzy inside? These are the little things that, to me, make life so special. Everyone probably has their own “little things” that are particular and personal to them. So cherish those moments and make the most of them… they can make a lot of things worthwhile.